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At our recent student leadership summit, one of the students asked a question that stayed with me: “What advice would you give to a new leader?”

It is a deceptively simple question. After all, leadership is something we spend a lot of time talking about, particularly with young people, but how often do we stop and think about what we actually wish someone had told us before we started?

After some reflection I came up with six key messages I’d give to my younger self - and hopefully they may help any other up-and-coming leader.

Key messages for new leaders

1. You don’t have to have all the answers

There is a strange assumption that becoming a leader means you suddenly become the person who knows what to do.

You are expected to make decisions, give advice and provide direction. Saying “I don’t know” feels like it will make you look less capable.

In time, though, I have learned that the opposite is often true. Some of the best leadership conversations I have had have started with a question rather than an answer.

Asking someone what they think, listening properly and being prepared to change your mind are not signs of weakness. They are signs that you trust the people around you.

Your team does not need you to know everything. They need you to create the conditions for good decisions to be made.

2. You cannot fix everything

This is probably one of the hardest lessons to learn, particularly if you are someone who genuinely cares about people and wants to make things better.

When you move into leadership, you become aware of more problems, not fewer.

Staff issues, student concerns, parent conversations, systems that are not working and decisions that have unintended consequences all land on your desk. Your instinct can be to jump in and want to solve them.

But leadership is not about being the person who fixes everything. Sometimes your role is to listen. Sometimes it is to support someone else to find the solution. Sometimes you need to step back and allow people to take responsibility for their own problems.

Learning what is yours to carry, and what is not, is an important part of becoming a sustainable leader.

3. Being busy doesn’t mean you are being effective

There is always another email, meeting, deadline or initiative waiting for you and it can be very easy to measure your day by how much you have managed to get through. But some of the most important leadership work does not come with a tick box.

It might be the conversation with a member of staff who needs to talk, the time spent thinking carefully about a difficult decision, the opportunity you give someone else to take ownership or simply being visible and available to your team.

A full calendar does not necessarily mean you are making an impact. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is stop, think and decide what actually matters.

4. Give other people the opportunity to lead

Linked to the above, one of the biggest shifts I have had to make as a leader is understanding that doing something myself is not always the most effective way of getting it done.

If you are experienced, you often know how something should work. You may be able to do it more quickly and you may even believe you can do it better.

But that means you create a team that relies on you rather than one that grows because of you.

Delegation is the one I still struggle with, but it is not about handing someone a job you do not want. It is about creating ownership, developing confidence and giving people the opportunity to learn.

5. People will remember how you made them feel

We talk a lot about leadership in terms of strategy, vision, outcomes and decision-making.

All of those things matter, but the small interactions are just as important. How do you speak to people when under pressure? Do you listen when someone disagrees with you? Do you notice when someone is struggling? Do you say thank you? Do people feel they can come to you when something has gone wrong?

You will not always get every decision right. You will sometimes have difficult conversations and make decisions that people do not agree with, but you can still make people feel respected, listened to and valued, and leading with kindness is always key.

6. You learn by doing

Whether it is a student becoming a head student, a teacher taking on their first responsibility or an experienced colleague stepping into senior leadership, nobody becomes a finished leader overnight.

You learn by doing, by getting things wrong, from people who challenge you and from people who believe in you.

Most importantly, you learn that leadership is not about having a particular personality or trying to become the loudest or most confident person in the room.

You don’t have to look like a leader to be one. You just need to be willing to take responsibility, listen to others, keep learning and create opportunities for the people around you to succeed.

Maddy Jones is deputy head of secondary at The International School @ ParkCity in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia